I've got an old ITV Digital Monkeh in my house, he's got one or two dropped stitches and a '98 England shirt on. I had to iron the badge/stripe design on his t-shirt myself - and the shirt wouldn't come off his arms, most undiginified for a young ape.
He's also now got a tiny mini-me sitting on his head. A PG- Tips give away - super.
Here's Monkeh at his indignant best :
linky for feed readers
Twatplates are car number plates where the owners have shuffled around the numbers and letters, perhaps add a bolt here or there, perhaps changed the font... whatever... VIZ's Roger's Profanisaurus christened them Twatplates.
My problem with them is that they defeat the purpose of car number plates, that is unique and easy identification of different vehicles.
My problem with the twatplaters is their sheer arrogance in disregarding the law just so they can have their name on their car. "Here's this law, it's a good law, it's egalitarian, it's for a reason - nah I'll get a number plate that's a little bit like my name and squidge the letters and numbers about so everyone knows who I am."
There's been an explosion of these in recent times, whether due to easier plate-making methods and the people that make them stopping caring - or an exponential rise in number of twats that seem to be around.
The governement and police de-regulated parking controls, meaning that it's now impossible to park without a warden sniffing round for a slight infingement, but these guys have no interest (or instructions, or bonuses) in enforcing other motoring regulations.
It's you've got enough money to get a twatplate and you do, you've got more money than sense. If you haven't and you'd like one, you still have - if you see what I mean.
Twatplates flickr group - shaming twats since 2006
You know on Dragons' Den, where the 'investors' "invest their own money", and the contestants "have to get all the money they asked for, or they leave with nothing". Yeah?
Yes so does everybody! It's been going for about four series now, the rules haven't changed, Sepp Blatter's not in charge, and they weren't complicated to start with. So why does the bloody narrator, BBC Economics Editor Evan Davis, tell us every five minutes?It's because the programme makers think we're stupid. Every time you hear a factual programme on TV recap, they're patronising you.(And on commercial TV - everytime they ask you to phone in with your opinion they're valuing your views at exactly the price of the call.) Despite the brilliant fun to be had with a Nintendo Wii, swinging your arms around, playing tenins, frightening pets and damaging the light fittings, one of the best thing you can do is make Wii Miis.
The idea is that you make a cartoony avatar for yourself, which looks like you (then you use it n the Nintendo games), but the real fun comes from making looke-likiees of celebs. And then being able to pick them up and toss them around.
Blow a whistle and make your mini Bill Oddie line up with Russell Brand. That's not a euphamism, but it's still brill.
Very different from simple pictures of cats on the interweb, lolcats (aka cat macros or kittah) are reaching critical mass.
A lolcat consists of a cat photo, captioned with poor grammar and spelling - normally to indicate the cat's thought process.
First there was 'i made you a cookie, but i eated it', and a number of 'i'm in ur computer upgrading ur RAM', but now it's almost impossible to open Firefox without ceiling cat peering out.
Last December I upgraded my mobile phone, I was seduced by the 'X-Series' on Three as it offered free 'push email' (similar to what a Blackberry does, but cheaper!) and got a Nokia N73. It hasn't worked from that day to this for more than a day without throwing up "-25 connection errors", "Internet Connection Failed" errors and a variety of other failures..
After phoning 3's tech support line in India - I'm guessing - and argueing the difference between the services on their phone (they kept telling me how to set up the phone's dial-up email) for nearly two hours I eventually got a diretc number for Mobile Mail Support.
And then they fobbed me off.
For months.
I eventually got the email address for one of the technicians who seemed to be trying to help. "I'll phone you on Monday".
No phone call.
I emailed. "Sorry, i'll phone tomorrow."
No phone call.
I've given up almost, the service has come back on for a day or two.
Then out of the blue an email suggesting that they "have been going though some of the log files on our relay server and think that I might have found the cause of your problems. It looks like out system is having some issues with processing a certain email in the users inbox."
So an email that I've been sent is the problem? I don't see how, but willingly comply.
So now i get "Account has expired" messages instead.
They don't know what they're doing.
And charity too, of course.
Bit of a grumpy old man rant this one:
I appreciate the need for charity (although if people spent the same time and effort pressurising the government, long term solutions might be found, maybe), and if you're going to raise money and awareness having fun while you're at it is commendable.
The trades description people should be having a close look at the makers of Comic Relief does Fame Academy though. Week after week of actors, DJs and socialites singing fronted by Patrick Kielty is not comedy - unless it's very black and the joke's on us.
Bring back Cliff Richard and The Young Ones, bring back Theophilus P. Wildebeest, bring back Bobby Davro, anything.
If we raise enough money, can we not have it next time?
